the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Houston, we have a blender
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I believe in your delicious
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
