i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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