Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
