If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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