i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
