The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
