I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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