A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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