I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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