return my video game
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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