he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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