I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
