He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
