Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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