Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize