I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
