Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
