im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
