Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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