6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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