Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
