Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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