i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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