i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
