So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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