at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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