I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
