Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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