Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
