I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
