We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize