On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize