I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
