hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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