life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
