Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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