Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
