Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
