I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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