I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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