Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
