He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
