Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
