Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
