Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
