he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
