Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
