i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
