Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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