i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
