OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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