Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
