the day after is always just damage control
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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