Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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