I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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