I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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