He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
