I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
