and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
