I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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