he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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