i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
wow bdsm is so cute
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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