i just had sex bonerless
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
