so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
