I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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