That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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